It’s Terror Tuesday in Emmie Land — not only that, I’ve missed you all for the last two days! I’m still getting used to my new posting schedule, and I feel a little bit like an addict who keeps reaching for the syringe. Must….have……blog.
I must really love you, gentle viewers.
Additionally, yesterday I entered #MenageMonday over at Cara Michaels’ blog, a 200-word flash fiction contest using three different prompts. I got an honorable mention, yeehaw! Thank you to the lovely Ms. Anna Meade for judging!
I picked up Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere this week, and I have been trucking through the book at a decent clip. The villains he’s introduced so far are quite creepy, and they reminded me of some of my all-time favorite villains. Without further ado, I’d like to show you how to cook up a nasty, creeptastic villain for all your goosebumpy needs.
4 cups urbane
2 cups calculation
1 tablespoon wide smile
1 teaspoon wrong
1 cup chunks o’ dogged persistence
1/2 cup drone-like underlings
Creeptastic Slicing Instrument Glaze
Starting early in a story, mix 4 cups urbane with 2 cups calculation. This will form the base for the rest of the ingredients. Sprinkle the tablespoon of wide smile and the teaspoon of wrong evenly over the mixture. There should be just enough wrong to peek out of the batter when you least expect it. Mix well.
Cut in the cup of dogged persistence. This should resurface in your batter just when you think it’s gone. Add the drone-like underlings to ensure even distribution of creepiness. Bake for the time specified for your story’s temperature (200-1000 words for flash, 3,000 – 10,000 for short, 60,000 – 150,000 for novel. Times may be transmuted for screen and/or stage.)
Drizzle Creeptastic Slicing Instrument Glaze over entire product. It should seep into the spongy batter.
Variations: Add 1 knowing child for additional creepiness, or omit underlings for a solitary product. The more experienced can experiment with the addition of a draining serum that will sap one or more of the consumer’s strengths, but that’s not for rookies.
Your finished product may never compare to this, but then only the best chefs ever do:
Get every new post delivered to your Inbox
Join other followers