Emmie Mears
SFF. Queer AF.

TMI and 7 Times a Meme

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TMI and 7 Times a Meme

I know Wednesday is my Not A Post Day, but bust out your confetti cannons, because you get one anyway!

Last week, I discovered that the lovely Kana Tyler had given me an award! Due to a funtastic work schedule and St. Patty’s Day on the horizon, I didn’t have time to respond. So when I got a direct message on Twitter from Mike Schulenberg about being tagged in the Lucky Seven Meme, I thought to myself, “Self,” I thought, “you can get two squirrels with one slingshot today.” And then I marveled in my own cleverness for a while whilst contemplating the fact that I’m very much in need of a shower.

First things first! I was gifted with the TMI Award!

Bua ha ha.

The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. Β 

These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing, and intimate experiences with honesty, humor, and little to no filter.

Finally, an award for self-deprecation. I’m so excited!

The award dictates that I tell an embarrassing story. I have a wealth of those, so please allow me a moment to hem and haw before plunging into the red-faced past.

Hem. Haw. Hmmm.

Plunge.

I could tell you how last week at work I walked up to a couple people at one of my tables and asked, “How are you gentlemen doing tonight?” Before realizing as I choked on the g-word that the person to my left was in fact a woman, albeit a very skinny woman in a bulky vest with a very androgynous face. I’d just run up a flight of stairs, and I apologized in a heave of winded air and let out a panicked guffaw while trying to recover.

Awkward.

I never say gender-specific greetings when I approach tables, so I don’t have a clue what possessed my tongue at that moment. All I know is that a la Brian Regan, you just can’t come back from that one.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“MA’AM!”

“Hello, human! Hi, person! Nice to meet you, individual!”

I think I’ll just start using that.

Or I could tell you how during my first week living in Poland, my roommate Chuck got the bright idea for us to take a short cut through a cemetery, cutting along the train tracks to get to the mall. As we neared the parking lot of a gas station, all that stood between us and the mall was a little blue fence with spikes all over the top.

Chuck hopped over. John hopped over. I hopped over — and as my foot hit a patch of water and slipped, my left leg came down impaled on one of the spikes. Β I landed on the other side with my calf pinned on the fence. Without getting too gory, all I can say is that I never wanted to know for sure that fat is yellow.

I could tell you about heaving puddles of pink vomit on Senior Skip Day to the point where one of my drunk classmates interviewed me with a stick to inquire after my health and the shade of puke. I could tell you about arriving to school in kindergarten with a “boy haircut” I’d loved until it saw the light of cruel children. I could tell you about asking a boy to a dance in eighth grade only to have him lie and say he wasn’t going — and then show up.

Oh, so many embarrassing stories. Suffice it to say that I’ve lived a life of blushing.

I’ve mostly survived, though, and it takes a lot to embarrass me now. Though yesterday I got fairly uncomfortable when a customer responded to my “Is there anything else I can get for you?” with “Just give me a minute to worship you.”

Awkward. <– My tagline.

This award requires also that I tag a few others who like to share themselves with the world, warts and all. (I don’t reckon we actually have warts. Maybe one or two. I don’t have any, just so you know.)

So without further ado, here are some great bloggers who aren’t afraid to let it all hang out and give you what for. These are people I respect for their authenticity, even if they can be occasionally provocative!

Kristin McFarland
Kristen Lamb
Julie Kenner
David Jones

This isn’t a full list, but these were the immediate names that came to mind. Have fun, folks! πŸ™‚

The next thing I’m on to is the Lucky Seven Meme, sent my way by Mike Schulenberg.

I've always preferred the number 13 or 3, but I can deal with 7. I like prime numbers.

Here are the rules:

1. Go to page 77 of your current MS/WIP
2. Go to line 7
3. Copy down the next 7 lines, sentences, or paragraphs, and post them as they’re written.
4. Tag 7 authors, and let them know.

I like this. I think it could be fun. I like it even more because I’m a fan of the seven lines I get to share with you from the third book of my trilogy. Ready? Here they are:

They found a pub open on the outskirts of town where patrons sat glued to the television.

The screen showed a city burning, and Elaine’s heart clenched in her chest.

The bartender looked over at them as they entered, his dark eyes hooded, absently wiping the same patch of bar over and over. He made no move to greet them, but he looked back to the television, to the unknown city in flames.

There. That’s nice and fun, no? And though with the formatting of the blog it’s a few more lines, I assure you in the manuscript it’s seven. Scout’s honor.

So now for the seven bloggers to tag…ready?

1. Lyra Selene
2. Mad Gay Man
3. Anonymous Legacy
4. Angie Richmond
5. Laird Sapir
6. Cara Michaels
7. Kelley Lane

Alrighty, everyone! Mush!

Have fun! πŸ™‚

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Author | Emmie Comments | 15 Date | March 21, 2012

comments

crubin

Very fun post! Except for the impaled leg. That is truly horrible. I hope you weren’t left with any ill effects πŸ™

March 21, 2012 | 12:24 pm

    Emmie Mears

    I have a big old scar about the size of a nickel in diameter — it took months to heal properly because you can’t stitch a puncture wound like that due to it being so prone to infection. But other than that, just a good story. πŸ™‚

    March 21, 2012 | 12:51 pm

      crubin

      Oh, good!

      March 21, 2012 | 1:13 pm

tmso

Yeah, that sounds painful…so much for an elegant leap over a fence!

March 21, 2012 | 12:29 pm

    Emmie Mears

    Yeah, so much for that! Ha. I definitely tried.

    March 21, 2012 | 12:52 pm

      tmso

      Takes practice. πŸ˜‰

      March 21, 2012 | 1:53 pm

Tami Clayton

You definitely earned your TMI award, Emmie. Lol. I was cringing right along with you. You’re hilarious. And a great writer!

March 21, 2012 | 12:45 pm

    Emmie Mears

    Thanks! πŸ™‚

    March 21, 2012 | 12:49 pm

Mike Schulenberg

Wow, yeah…that leg wounds sounds awful πŸ™

Thanks for playing along with the Lucky 7 Meme. I enjoyed the excerpt πŸ™‚

March 21, 2012 | 1:28 pm

Lyra Selene

Hah, the “gentlemen” situation happened to me once, except it was much much worse. And yeah, that impaled leg sounds super painful.

Thanks for passing along the Lucky 7 meme, it’ll give me something to post about today! πŸ™‚

March 21, 2012 | 3:46 pm

Lisa Ann Hayes

I’m with everyone else. The impaled on a spike will stick with me…yowza!

March 21, 2012 | 7:50 pm

Kourtney Heintz

Congrats on the awards! Very intriguing lines too. πŸ™‚

March 21, 2012 | 8:03 pm

Chris G.

I’m still visualizing the squirrel attempt…

Great, fun post Emmie–always nice to see I’m not the only awkward one left in the world; I have to admit I can’t top falling on a spike though. You didn’t need to go into heavy description there–I had some serious cringes going on just from the mention. Oh, the woes of a visual-heavy mind. Also: you poor thing.

Busy as ever, though, I see.

March 22, 2012 | 10:29 am

    Emmie Mears

    Oh, yeah. You’re definitely not alone in the awkward department. πŸ™‚

    I have some interesting news that I can’t crow too loudly right now and am getting some help from an unexpected quarter or two, so things are moving along.

    March 22, 2012 | 12:06 pm

lwsapir

I love your TMI award stories, Emmie. Let it never ever be said that you are a wimp!
Thanks for tagging me for the Lucky 7!

March 22, 2012 | 3:06 pm

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